I enjoyed Nick Smith’s ideas in Never be Afraid of Conflict and Tammy Lenski’s article How to Appreciate Workplace Conflict which shows conflict as a benefit. So why then, do so many people fear disagreement? Or why do some people at work use abusive tirades to assault others who differ?
Disagreement becomes an art that draws together differences whenever tools
for tone help people discuss tough or controversial issues together. In contrast, beware of negative meta messages from most people who lack tools to disagree.
Or worse, people who lack tone skills tend to lead attacks, fire barbs, set up verbal ambushes, and generally diminish anybody who differs. Once the war is started - it can be difficult to call any truce - and so sadly the best ideas often get silenced for this reason.
No question, skillful tone takes different shapes in different settings. It leads to growth in most, with a few tweaks though, and anybody can use and benefit from its tools. The best place to start might be to mimic the tone of people whose ideas you and others respect, since tone skills stick simply with practice.
With online exchanges increasing, for instance – tone is more critical and often considered the body language of communication. What exactly does good online tone look like?
In successful circles, communication comes more from creative use of tone as a way to disagree - and show supported - opposite angles of an issue. An organization that disagrees well, is one that prospers and you can trace tone problems to the root of most organizational failures.
Einstein put it this way … “Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions."
It doesn’t need to be that way...
If you've tended to either avoid disagreement or create harsh conflicts … here are 5 tips you’d find useful:
1. Affirm another person’s thoughts to show that you really heard and valued them.
2. Thank people for different ideas presented and show how you’ve tried or considered them further.
3. Share personal experiences as another angle to think about together – rather than as a need to replace the original ideas that were presented.
4. Ask two footed questions… rather than offer your own opinion too fast. For instance… Have you thought about…? What if…? Could another possibility be …?
5. Toss unique ideas into the ring - with confidence – more as part of a good discuss – than a need to top the original points. Make sure you support your ideas with concrete examples to help people see possibilities presented.
Congratulations, you have likely just zeroed in one people's differences to segue into a broader vision for your workplace – one that draws in multiple talents and intelligences.
What tips would you offer to others so that you can speak up and feel heard in any group? That seems a good place to start, when it comes to tone that values differences. What do you think?
I enjoy how you build on other peoples' ideas to draw them in. You really model that here on your own site.
Posted by: Robyn McMaster | May 17, 2007 9:49 AM | Permalink to Comment