Over at the post Encouragement Changes a Workplace, a friend and colleague Linda left a deep and insightful comment that impacts many who encourage others and face defeat. Linda’s commented:
Ellen, I'm in a quandary here. I had a receptionist leave without notice in
the past 2 weeks. This was a person I encouraged and tried to show support for. I saw something in her that she just didn't believe existed. No matter what examples of proof I gave her, she wouldn't or couldn't see it herself. The situation deteriorated and she left without notice rather than face the cons
tant stream of encouragement and belief that I had in her.
I realize now that I was refusing to accept her as she was in that moment in time. She may have had capabilities, but wasn't ready to or interested in applying them now. Rather than continuing to try different approaches, I would have been better off accepting that and then asking myself whether she could do the job adequately as she was. The answer would have been, “no”, because in our practice we go beyond adequate, so she wasn't right for us.
I would have then done the right thing for everyone and let her know it was time to pursue employment elsewhere. This would have prevented months of frustration and pain for everyone. In this instance my encouragement changed our workplace for the worse for everyone. It was extremely tense the last few months and now that she's gone, everyone has relaxed and a new person who fits us is in place. So how do you know when it's time to stop encouraging and start encouraging an employee to find another job? I tend to be a fixer and I think I have a blind spot here.
It’s happened to all of us and many of us learn the hard way that:
1. We cannot change others, only change ourselves as a way to inspire others
2. Sometimes a person is poorly qualified for a certain job and needs to upgrade
3. Observation allows us to see who to encourage forward, and who to let go
4. We help people to face their own reality when we guide them to follow just that
5. Encouragement is far from fixing folks – far from encouraging mediocrity
6. It takes keen reflection to encourage with both an individual and a group in mind at the same time
Linda, encouragement takes on another color when a person suffers from low intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence, or other barriers to their performance at work.
Without knowing details about what was going on with this employee, it sounds to me that it was more a case of not meeting standards, unwillingness to grow or inability to learn new skills required for your workplace. Hopefully she will get the job that can help her to move forward, and your workplace can enjoy the benefits of your kind encouragement.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Linda, as you teach us all by the wonderful example of giving. Rather than your suggestion, … “In this instance my encouragement changed our workplace for the worse for everyone,” it seems to me that this employee required clear, firm targets and a regular assessment to ensure she met your criteria for excellence. Encouragement only kicks in when we see those standards met and encourage that reality.
What do you think?
Ellen, I've done a lot of thinking about this situation this weekend. One thing I firmly believe is that we can't control what others do, only our response to it. I chose to respond to this employee's lack of progress with encouragement and stated expectations. She responded to that by giving up and getting away. I choose to respond to this new circumstance by learning from it and seeing what opportunities it has given me. I have learned to listen to what the employee is telling me rather than making my own story about them. I recognize that her leaving gave me the opportunity to hire someone better suited to us. It's interesting that she showed up almost immediately, isn't it? I now choose to move on with this new team member and find out where we will go from here. It's the best response I can think of.
Linda
Posted by: Linda Zdanowicz | March 18, 2007 5:39 PM | Permalink to Comment