Tom Foster over at Management Skills blog titled Difficult to See … made a good case for the fact we can’t change others. He also brought home the fact that we deceive ourselves. Been there…done that!
Tom tells a great story… “Emily nodded. “I think I am ready.” We were talking about her dissatisfaction with the way things were going for her as a manager. Not that they were going badly
“Sometimes, I think I have to force things,” she said. “And forcing things doesn’t last long. I want to know how I can get people to perform, to perform at a higher level.
“You want to know how you can cause people to change?
“Yes, that’s it. Exactly. How can I get people to perform better, to stay focused, to pay attention, heck, just to show up on time would be nice.
“So, Emily, when you look at yourself, how easy is it for you to make changes about your own life, your own work?
“I’m not sure what you mean,” she replied. “Things are pretty well with me. For the most part, things are under control.
“Interesting,” I said. “We think we have the ability to cause change in other people when we have great difficulty seeing the need for change within ourselves.”
Emily and Tom had me thinking about why we should let others be … at least until we get a few changes going the way we want them in our own brains. The human brain has a reflective part … called intrapersonal intelligence. It helps us to change daily into who we’d like others to see in us.
There are no parts of the brain that I know about that change others. So it’s a bit of wasted time to try. My question is… Why do we keep forgetting to use the brain’s inability to change others… and missing its delightful opportunities to transform and develop ourselves? There must be something we’re all missing here. What do you think?
Hello Ellen:
Another great and arresting headline. In my E-Book Tune Up Your Emotional Intelligence, I wrote a piece called: "How To Successfully Lead Change From The Inside Out." I argued that if we reflected on our own experiences of change that we've achieved easily, as well as those that we've struggled with, we'd understand more about our own personal change processes. We'd then be better equipped to approach the process of leading change with a greater level of empathy and realism.
I don't think that a person can make another person achieve a sustainable change in their behaviour. Threats and sanctions can bring about a temporary change in a person. If a manager/leader commits themself to that route, he or she will be forced to micromanage, as well as committing themselves to regularly topping up the threats and sanctions.
The generation of fear will never bring about sustainable change in another person. Managers/leaders can teach people to better understand how their minds work. They can also understand their personal change processes and encourage the kind of self exploration or organisation structures and systems that can empower people to make changes that they internalise. This is the kind of approach that is needed in the 21st century knowledge economy/society.
Managers/leaders need to be very clear whether they can cope with the task of honestly recognising the limits of their influence over others.
Posted by: Galba Bright | October 12, 2006 12:46 PM | Permalink to Comment