Benefiting at work from Brain Based Insights

We all know the theory, how we should contradict the ideas instead of the peope, how disagreement should be in a polite, substantiated way, our ideas supported with additional evidence, and for what it's worth we should be brief... but let's face it, when we care passionately about something, it is so difficult not to get swept away by emotions.

Thanks for stopping by Wahmbest, and what an excellent point. Yes, I too agree that tone is rarely easy - especially when poor tone surfaces in one player.

That is so true, and you speak for most of us who have allowed emotions to cut into tone, Wahmsbest. The brain, though, is capable of learning amazing tone, and it gets people farther in terms of expressing differences. The other can truncate ideas and do just the opposite a person wants in a discussion of differences.

The brain is very flexible to learn tone when a person is not emotional, and that kicks in far faster then, when emotions join the mix and we feel more passionate. Thanks for the opportunity to bring out that part, because it's key to the post.

If you agree then
Write "I appreciate your mail"
else
Write "I acknowledge your mail"

Finally
No sarcasm or hypocrisy please.
http://onepass.blogspot.com/2005/08/no-sarcasm-or-hypocrisy-please.html

What a great blog - and thanks for the link! Love your ban on bad tone. I'm always surprised to find that people think tone is natural to some and inattainable to others.

Often, when The Brain Based Center, works with leaders - we teach tone tactics - only to find the departments' problems get solved with that one of their multiple intelligences.

It's worth it to work our way out of further fascilitation at a firm - just to see the turn around that tone tactics can bring to business! Thanks for weighing in on this one.

Really good article! I find tone very interesting. I manage a small dental practice and find that when I ask people to do something they find boring or aggravating, they express that in tone, rather than words. Morning meetings with monotone reading of notes for the day are a drag. I want enthusiasm and anticipation for what the day will bring. I know when I have presented an idea that my boss isn't thrilled with by the dismissive tone of voice he responds with. Just tell me how you feel, I can take it. I find poor tone to be inconsiderate and immature for the most part. Half the time people don't even realize they're doing it. I know my co-workers have no negative intent. It's just the way they deal or avoid dealing with conflict.
Linda

Try any tone when making a suggestion to an artist and they will think you are telling them their work 'stinks.' Some people can't hear the tone no matter what approach you take with them, no?

Hey, Bill, are you telling me that my post stinks? HaHaHa

Thanks for stopping by, Linda, you are so right about the awareness problem.

Interestingly, we have another unique intelligence (often not activated) to help us see ourselves as others see us too. It also helps us to become the person - we'd like others to see in us:-)

Your thoughtful response here brings to mind another post idea. When we model good tone to others it does help motivate them to see the value of learned skills. My circle learn tone, and difference they'd never imagined begin to rise for everybody's benefit -- and that seems motivation enough to use the skills for good tone. What do you think?

Ever more interesting. Yes, I agree about modeling good tone. Just today my receptionist was having difficulty discussing something on the phone with a patient. Her unsure tone was sending the message (correctly) that she wasn't sure about the info she was giving. I signaled for her to put the patient on hold and I took over the call. She said she was relieved that I was there to handle it so she could hear how I did it. She commented that they way I spoke to the patient reassured even her. I assured her the skill could be learned. One of my most gratifying times regarding staff was a time when I overheard a new staff member teaching a newer staff member how to do something I had recently taught her to do. I could hear my own tone being repeated by the staff member. What goes around really does come right back around.I also agree (somewhat sheepishly) about needing to become what we want others to believe us to be. I'm working on that every day. I suppose I'll never be finished.
Linda

Linda, thanks, I love your insights on the topic of tone! What fun to find other thinkers who see we could do this whole thing a different way! I am always surprised how make great iseas keep surfacing on topics we all care about!

I'll also look forward to coming over and learning at your site! Thanks for all you added to this discussion! Ellen

Ellen, one more thing that I have been thinking about a lot as I've been paying more attention to intention and tone. It doesn't matter what tone you use or how inspired your message if you aren't real with yourself about yourself. If you can't look at yourself and believe there's anything about you that needs improvement. I find it almost chilling to talk to someone who has authority over others that cannot see any shortcomings in themself. All their credibility is blown away. They can say it all in the most sincere tone but the tone in their heart overrides the message of their voice. You get nowhere if you can't get somewhere with yourself. Whenever I have to correct a team member, I try to find some example of their shortcoming in myself and use that as a starting point to raise the issue of the problem or behavior that needs to change. Then we go from there. Now, I don't mean people should beat themselves up and become discouraged by their shortcomings. I think it is exciting to recognize an area in yourself that needs improvement. It is the first step in a new direction of growth. That is the tone we should take with ourselves. Or maybe I'm just full of it and that's where I should start, eh?

Linda, I'd love to see you write a course for HR on this one - because you have many deep insights and the suggestions you offer rock.

I think you can take this topic to the peaks, Linda, and it is always so useful when people have tactics to help them identify and use better tone. I write on it fairly frequently because it makes such a huge difference in groups I lead too.

People with poor tone are often the last to see that and often sense they are victims of others' negative responses. When tone is taught as a skill - and without personal judgement people are amazed to see ways to test their own tone and quite energized by the process.

All to say, I so agree about an awareness as part of the process - and would add that awareness is also a taught skill that empowers people to learn good tone. Wow - this group rocks! What a great discussion.

Ellen, not too long ago I made a huge discovery that brought me from perceiving myself as a victim to holding myself accountable for what happens to me. I realized that it didn't matter how miserable, unfair, hurtful, mean, etc., I considered someone I had to deal with to be. The only thing that mattered was how I allowed myself to react to what they put out. I realized that in negative verbal exchanges, people can't do anything to me. They can't put me down, they can just state their opinion about me. They can't hurt my feelings, unless I am open to having them hurt. They can't make me say something stupid in response unless I lack the self control to reign it in. They can't make me obsess about their words for days, unless that's how I choose to spend my time. That empowers me and teaches me not to waste my time worrying about the negativity of others and not to ruin myself by putting out negativity toward others. Who lead me to this better way of thinking? Our mutual friend, Ed Brenegar, had a lot to do with it. He helped me discover the awareness that lead me through many challenges and helped me find the positive tone that I feel and try to live as much as possible. It's such a waste of time to do otherwise.
Linda

Makes my day Linda, and also that you too are friends with Ed Brenegar! He is one great guy, and I learn something new everytime I get to his site at Leading Question or http://edbrenegar.typepad.com/leading_questions/.