
What do you mean when you say calmly….?
1. I don’t mean to be critical but …
2. That’s Ok …
3. Catch me next time…
4. It doesn’t really matter, but …
5. It’s only because I care that I tell you this …
6. Guess I’ll have to do it by myself from now on …
7. No hurt feelings… but …
8. I don’t really mind at all …
9. Sorry …
10. I don't mean to be negative, but …
All the above are meta-messages ... simple sayings with convoluted meanings ... implying things other than what is actually said. Most of us have tricked our minds to use these in ways that hide how we feel ... and we forget that an asute person can pick up on the fact that what we say ... radically differs at times from the choice of words we use. Does that apply to you or anybody at work?
Not always but most of the time … a person really means ….
1. I don’t mean to be critical but … this stuff stinks!
2. That’s Ok … cause you’re too dumb to get it right anyway!
3. Catch me next time … if you can run faster than me from this thing!
4. It doesn’t really matter … cause you’ll never get it right anyway!
5. It’s only because I care that I tell you this … because if I didn’t say that first you’d likely pop me one when you hear what I have to tell you!
6. Guess I’ll have to do it by myself from now on … cause none of you jerks will help!
7. No hurt feelings… cause you’re too crude to waste feelings on, anyway!
8. I don’t really mind … cause if I let myself mind I’d sue you for your last breath!
9. Sorry … you seem to have caught on to my agenda and that slows it down to a crawl!
10. How do you like … my work … say it’s great Ok? Ok? It’s great, right?
Meta-messages can kill trust and openness in any workplace.... Do you ever say one thing ... to avoid saying what is really in your mind? Know anybody who uses great tone to communicate sincerely … and at the same time tends to avoid using meta-messages? Do you?










Ellen:
These are great questions. It's a constant challenge to walk the higher road. I find that once something is named/defined it can empower me. Now that I know what a meta-message is, I sure that this will help.
Thanks
Posted by: Galba Bright | January 11, 2007 9:59 AM | Permalink to Comment