Benefiting at work from Brain Based Insights

What kind of comments come to your blog … and do these help to promote improvements and change in some area? I think I’ve met some of the smartest and most interesting people out there who’ve commented at the Brain based Business site. Deborah Tannen’s research at Georgetown University shows though, that some people skirt around what they want to say to get change in a sort of back door manner thought, and it often backfires.

Have you known people who give out meta-messages… as if they want people to read what they really mean… but they want it to come across as “caring?”  I was interested in Esther Derby’s thoughtful blog, information, encouragement, and appreciation where she a distinguishes “between change-focused feedback, reinforcing feedback, appreciation/gratitude, and encouragement.”  

Would you agree that while, “all feedback can  influence change and improvements… there are reasons why only some feedback wields that authority. I think sincere comments in ALL of Ester’s categories can create change and improvement. You?

I disagree with Esther’s statement that “Encouragement and appreciation/gratitude aren't really feedback. None-the-less, they're important because they build relationships by letting people know you notice them and their efforts.”  

Esther does tell readers and I agree with this …   “Encouragement is an expression of support, such as "way to go" or "keep it up." Encouragement inspires confidence and heartens.”  But I’d like to add that encouragement also changes the way people act and your few words of genuine affirmation can builds new dendrite cell connectors in the brain … to motivate change when the chips are down.

Esther tells a story which may reveal why some comments do not get the change hoped for though… She wrote, “I started emphasizing this distinction after a fellow told me he was going to give his wife some re-inforcing feedback on cleaning the kitchen. eerrr... not a good idea. Appreciation would be a better choice. ‘Honey, I appreciate you for cleaning the kitchen...it's so nice to come home to a clean kitchen.’”

The example Esther recommends,  contains a meta-message… which likely will work against change. When a person says… ‘it’s so nice to come home to a clean kitchen…” the comment’s meta-message shouts out … “It’s usually a mess!”  You might get a pop in the eye… but will likely not see a clean kitchen again anytime soon.

What meta-messages are given out where you work? Do they create change?